NEVER Hold It In
by Sarah3669
Summary: Toshiro has thoughts of suicide. Only Ichigo can help him. WARNING: Ichigo spanks Toshiro.


**Disclaimer: I know nothing, suck it up!**

**Warning: Ichigo spanks Toshiro.**

* * *

**NEVER hold it in**

Toshiro Hitsugaya, Captain of squad ten, found himself standing in front of Ichigo Kurosaki's house, a substitute soul reaper. The young white haired boy sighed; he really wasn't going to enjoy this.

Let's back up and clear up why he's even there, shall we?

* * *

Toshiro, and all of the other captains, were in the main meeting hall waiting for the meeting to end. It had been going on for almost an hour, which meant it would be over soon.

But, for the first time in a long time, the child prodigy was not paying attention. His mind kept wandering off. He had been called many rude things lately, and it had finally gotten to him. With one word said by one of the captains, that stupid clown-faced captain, it had hit him hard enough for him to hurt himself. With one word he had thought of death.

Mistake.

That word echoed in his head, killing him. In fact it had physically hurt him. Toshiro started to lightly cut his wrists, and he had stopped eating. Toshiro was now thinner and paler than he was before. This didn't go unnoticed by Captain Ukitake or any of the other captains.

Toshiro snapped back to reality as the meeting ended. Toshiro turned and started to walk out, but to his surprise Kempachi Zaraki was blocking his path. Toshiro blinked and gave the broad captain an annoyed look. Toshiro stepped to the right to continue walking, but Kempachi mirrored his movements. This time Toshiro gave him an icy glare. _Was EVERY captain out to make his life a living hell?_

"Captain Hitsugaya," Toshiro turned at the sound of Unohana's gentle voice, "I think we need to talk." Toshiro huffed. Who wanted to talk to him? Wait, were they going to hurt him. Or figure out what was going on. Or something even worse? Hate him.

"W-What do we need to talk about?" Toshiro tried to control his voice, but he couldn't help but stutter lightly and take a step back into Kempachi. This called the boy to inwardly squeal and jump forward. Toshiro mentally cursed himself; he looked like a nervous little rabbit.

Toshiro's eyes were wider, but they seemed slightly bluer. He kept his arms close to his figure, and straight down, forcing his body upright. This only highlighted his light shaking, which gradually progressed. Toshiro looked so much thinner the way he was standing too. If his sash wasn't tied tighter his pants would have fallen off by now. His shirt and captain's cloak were also bigger on him. He hated this part mostly. He looked so much like a child. A scarred, pale child.

Toshiro jumped slightly when he felt Captain Ukitake's hand on his shoulder. Toshiro's drawn baby face looked up at Jushiro's. The man looked sad and a little hurt. Maybe it was because Toshiro had jumped, or because he looked scared at the careful touch of his friend. At least, Toshiro thought he was his friend. He couldn't be sure anymore. Toshiro could no longer look in Ukitake's chocolate brown eyes and looked down. He looked like some child who was caught doing something naughty, and was afraid of the punishment for it. This was exactly the kind of child he was, at the moment.

"We know what you've been doing Toshiro," Toshiro's eyes widened even more at Ukitake's words. The boy started shaking, and he looked down more to hide his eyes. Although his frown was clear as day. "Toshiro, why have you been doing all this to yourself? You know it's not healthy, so why?" Ukitake questioned the boy with a caring look. If Toshiro looked up, he would see that many of the captain's looked the same way. Even Kempachi looked a little hurt of what the young captain have been doing to himself.

"B-Because," Toshiro's voice was very quiet and very light, "I heard I was a mistake." There were a lot of confused noises from many of the captain's, but a certain Captain Kurotsuchi gave a nervous look. He didn't often get this look. He was quickly caught by Soi Fon.

"Why do you look so guilty?" Soi Fon asked directly at Kurotsuchi. The clown-faced captain jumped as every pare of eyes were now on him. Even Toshiro's puppy eyes were watching him. The guilty captain nearly got sick.

"No reason," Kurotsuchi fake smiled, "I'm ju-"

"Just worried for the mistake?" Toshiro whispered, but had enough power in his voice for the whole room to hear. The sudden looks turned to glares in the blink of an eye. Kurotsuchi had never looked so terrified.

The other captain's took a step toward the real problem as Ukitake quickly gripped both of Toshiro's shoulders and quickly spoke. "Okay Little Shiro, I got some people to open a gate to the living world. You're gonna stay with Ichigo, he said he could help. Don't get hurt, and stay safe," Toshiro was still in shook as Ukitake shooed him out of the meeting hall. The door shut behind him. There was a lot of screaming when he left.

* * *

And here he was. Still in soul form, now sitting on Ichigo's bed as the teen did his homework. Ichigo had been awfully quiet since Toshiro got there. Surprisingly Kon had been quiet as well. That was just weird. Toshiro curled up in a ball and looked so thin. Ichigo gave him a sideways glance. Toshiro noticed care in his eyes. It was so strange. Why would he care?

Ichigo continued to work. Toshiro looked at Ichigo's desk. It actually looked like he was almost done. Toshiro recapped on what Ichigo had told him.

His family was out of town for the week.

They were gonna talk about what he'd done.

There would be NO funny business.

Even though he had said that, Toshiro couldn't help but keep looking at the pair of scissors on Ichigo's desk. He wanted to cut. He couldn't do it in front of Ichigo though.

Toshiro almost jumped out of his skin when Ichigo stood up and stretched. He let out a sigh, "Done." Toshiro nodded, signaling that he understood. Ichigo looked at Toshiro. He opened his mouth to speak, but Toshiro's stomach growled over him. Ichigo chuckled lightly and walked toward his door. "I'll go get you something to eat, you stay put okay?" Ichigo's voice stated a question, but Toshiro knew it was an order. Toshiro nodded again, and Ichigo left the room.

With in a second Toshiro had the scissors and was sitting on the bed again. Toshiro's mind told him no, but his body said yes. He debated for what seemed like only a few seconds, and he began to cut. He only opened one scar. He watched the crimson liquid poor out of his wrist in a slow fluid motion. Mistake. The word echoed through out the room.

"TOSHIRO!" Toshiro jumped and dropped the scissors to the floor. The sound of Ichigo's strong voice bounced through the room. Toshiro shuddered at the voice and looked at the angry looking teen in the doorway. Ichigo's eyes were narrowed and he was practically growling at the boy. Ichigo was carrying a bowl of what looked like soup. The broad teen set the bowl on his little bookcase and walked over to the boy.

Toshiro had jumped off the bed and was now standing right in front of the scissors. Ichigo bent down and grabbed the scissors with blood lightly staining the steel. He walked over and set the dangerous item on the wooden desk. All while Toshiro stuttered to try to explain himself. Ichigo turned to the boy and took three steps toward him. Ichigo now hovered over the small captain.

"Toshiro," Ichigo's voice was small but angry, "answer me one thing."

"W-What?" Toshiro stuttered.

"Do you think anyone cares about you?"

"…"

"Toshiro, answer now, or you won't like what happens."

"I don't have to answer you," Toshiro's old voice was coming back. Ichigo sighed. Toshiro wasn't going to make it easy was he? In one fluid motion Ichigo grabbed Toshiro's wrist, sat on his bed, and bent the struggling boy over his lap. Toshiro needed to learn, and apparently words weren't gonna work alone.

"What are you doing Ichigo?" Toshiro yelled and kicked, "Put me down now!"

Ichigo pinned the boy's arms behind his back with his left hand. Ichigo shook his head. "One more time, does anyone care about you?"

Toshiro still kicked and squirmed, "No one ever cared! It's as simple as that!" Ichigo gave the boy a sad look. He hadn't been raised right, and being a captain didn't help with that. Ichigo needed to teach the kid a lesson.

Ichigo raised his right hand and brought it down on Toshiro's upturned backside. Toshiro yelped and kicked harder. Ichigo raised his hand and spanked the captain harder. Toshiro squealed and started to get it. He stopped kicking but still squirmed. Ichigo brought his hand down again three more times before he spoke again. "Toshiro, what are you?" the orange haired teen asked in a masked voice. Toshiro's breathing had quickened by the spanking, but he was able to answer in a whisper.

"A-A mistake."

Ichigo frowned and shook his head, "Wrong." Ichigo gripped the top of Toshiro's pants and pulled them down to his knees. His small rump wasn't even pink yet. That's when he realized that the soul reapers didn't really wear underwear. Ichigo pointed that out as weird.

Ichigo gave the small captain's bare bottom a warning pat. Toshiro whimpered and buried his head in Ichigo's pant leg. Ichigo gave the boy a saddened glance. He knew the kid needed this, but he didn't want to do this. Ichigo brought his hand high up and brought it down harder than ever. A loud _SMACK!_ came back toward Toshiro's ears. Toshiro screamed loudly. Ichigo brought his hand up again and noticed the light pink handprint starting to form. Hopefully the boy would let it out soon. That's all Ichigo need the stubborn captain to do, let it out.

Toshiro however, didn't know that was what he was supposed to do. Even if he did, he would keep it in as long as his body would take it, although he had to admit that it did hurt. Ichigo spanked Toshiro's small bottom for what seemed like forever. Each time harder than the last. Ichigo frowned at his stubbornness and raised his knee higher. Now spanking the sensitive under curve. Toshiro bit his lip and whimpered. How long would this go on for? Ichigo blinked at Toshiro's glowing red backside. Ichigo tried to find the weakest spot. He found it, the part closest to him and right on his sit spot. He spanked that part for a while. Toshiro only squeaked and whimpered. Ichigo looked around the room. Maybe just one pop with that paddle his dad had. Ichigo looked down at the stubborn boy. Ichigo spoke, "Toshiro, what are you?"

Toshiro gave the same answer: a mistake.

Ichigo sighed. He now felt as if he was no longer a kid. He stood up and sat Toshiro down on the bed. Making sure to seat him on his bared, red backside. Ichigo noticed Toshiro's face was red, but his eyes weren't even misting. Ichigo looked over to Kon, who had been sitting on his desk the whole time. Who knew he could be so silent. "Kon," Ichigo's voice sounded unusually calm.

Kon's head snapped up to Ichigo's voice, "Yeah?"

"Make sure he stays seated. If he squirms, stands, or squats just over the bed, let me know."

Kon just nodded as Ichigo left the room. Ichigo quickly went into his father's empty room. He then went to his closet and grabbed the paddle on the top shelf. He remembered when his father used it on him. This would get Toshiro crying. Ichigo cringed. He didn't want to paddle the boy. He just had to teach him to let it out when it hurts. He also had it coming for a while. Ichigo quickly made it back to the room. He found Toshiro still sitting on the bed. Face red, but eyes more moist than before. Kon was slightly shocked by the tool in Ichigo's hand, but had informed Ichigo that he hadn't moved, but he did whimper. Ichigo walked in front of the boy.

Toshiro noticed the paddle in Ichigo's right hand and shot up only to be caught by Ichigo. Ichigo sat the paddle on the bed and kept his left arm on Toshiro. He bent Toshiro over with his left hand and gave him three quick, hard swats. "Don't run, or you'll only make it worse." Toshiro nodded, shaking.

Ichigo bent Toshiro over his knee again, and grabbed his paddle. Toshiro was shaking more now. Making slight sobbing noises, but he wasn't crying yet. Ichigo tapped Toshiro's red backside with the paddle twice, not even hard enough to hurt. Ichigo moved the paddle away from Toshiro's bottom, and then brought it down. Pushing its weight down on his sensitive under curve.

Ichigo practically jumped when Toshiro squealed and started crying. Ichigo moved quickly and sat the paddle on the bed. Ichigo then picked Toshiro up and hugged the boy. He stood up and cradled Toshiro. He kept his left arm supporting his legs off to the left, but careful not to touch his reddened bottom. Toshiro wrapped his arms around Ichigo's neck and buried his head on Ichigo's right shoulder. Ichigo's right arm kept Toshiro's back up, holding his shoulder. Toshiro was howling from the pain. He had never been spanked, so his small rump never saw it coming.

Ichigo stood, still holding Toshiro, and said comforting words. He rubbed Toshiro's back, and shocked himself when he actually kissed Toshiro's forehead. Ichigo quickly shoved Kon in the closet, locking the door. Ichigo walked to the bathroom, and continued to comfort Toshiro.

Ichigo shut the bathroom door and sat on the closed toilet. He rocked Toshiro and rubbed his back. This part Toshiro didn't mind, however he was never going to admit it. Toshiro's voice was shaking and abnormally high, but Ichigo heard him nevertheless. "Wh-Why did you d-do that Ichigo?" Toshiro whimpered into Ichigo's shoulder.

"Because you needed to let it out," Ichigo's response seemed totally normal. As if he gave the kid some nasty medicine to make him feel better, and then said it was for his health.

Toshiro looked at him slightly confused, "B-But it h-hurt." Ichigo nodded and rocked the boy. Toshiro's stubborn little hair flip swayed with the rocking. He looked quiet cute. Ichigo smiled softly at the boy. What a cutie.

"I know it hurt," Ichigo stated with a sad glimmer in his eyes, "but don't you feel better now that you cried?" Toshiro looked up at Ichigo. The boy found himself nodding. "Now maybe you're ready to answer correctly," Ichigo said earning the boy's full attention. "Toshiro Hitsugaya, what are you?" Toshiro found himself thinking this time. The answer that came out this time was the best of the best.

"I am a captain, a child prodigy, a…a…," Toshiro trailed off. Ichigo smiled and held the boy closer.

"What else?" Ichigo asked in the softest voice he had.

"A miracle."

Ichigo nodded and hugged the boy. The orange haired teen noticed Toshiro loose pants still clinging to his ankles. Ichigo stood the boy up and helped him put his pants back on. Toshiro whimpered again when it touched his sit spot. Ichigo ruffled the boy's hair and pulled him up in a hug. Toshiro hugged Ichigo back and leaned his head on Ichigo's wide shoulder.

Ichigo went back in his room and laid the little captain on his bad, face down. Toshiro looked worried until Ichigo lay down too. "Go to sleep," Ichigo ordered in a soft tone. Toshiro nodded and leaned his head on the pillow. Ichigo laid on his right side, and rubbed Toshiro's back with his left hand. Toshiro moved a little bit and snuggled into Ichigo. Ichigo blushed lightly, but smiled softly. He rubbed the boy's back again. And pretty soon both were deep asleep.

And well rested when they woke up to an annoyed Kon yelling from inside the closet.


End file.
